Jul 27, 2010

packing night

Yesterday I filed an application for subject overload, and today (after attending my new class) I'm packing for an early plane ride to Brisbane!
That's right, the HEIGHT of irresponsibility. I think I'll take my computer with me and try (to pretend to) stay on top of my work.
3-4 projects due the week after I get back, a few homework assignments & progress reports...


My head doesn't think straight after this much running around. Need to be up at 5 tomorrow, out of the house by 5.50 am all to make a 9 am flight out of Avalon airport. HMMMM

I'm gonna take my pc and a bunch of stuff with me that might enable a bit of HW progress while I'm up and about. Yeah. I guess. :/

Jul 25, 2010

cutting paper


Saturday was lots of fun, and now I know how to knit!

So now it's Sunday... collaging a bit to get the creative juices flowing in regards to one project I'm meandering about. It's about time I did this. My scraps box is overflowing and my vis diary is over a year old now, meaning i just haven't been using it enough to fill it in the first year of Design. And I want a new one, for all the notes n things that I need to do.... hmmmmmmmmm

collaging in vis diary

Jul 23, 2010

End of a long week!

I'm a bit of a cartoon.

Yaknow, I'm kinda happy that way! :> But I do need a haircut. I promise you next time me and the last Miyazaki heroine will be INDISTINGUISHABLE.

While I work on toning the pages of the one-shot for Adamo, which is what's taken up my time recently, I can't help but get carried away in the back stories for these characters who appear for maybe 2 or 3 frames.
This must happen a lot to people... I spend a lot of time on it or thinking about it, so it sticks in my head.

Then, while I'm slacking off at work, stuff like this happens. *LOL*

Actually, it's really NOT...

I kind of thought of Mr. Emohair confiding in possibly his only friend about his lovelife. In my mind, she somehow misinterprets that Emohair is sleeping with a HIPPIE STONER. Because she's a sassy little cat, she would probably say something like, "Oh you don't know where those girls have been. You might catch something."


YEA I KNOW! X> I really really wish I could do the deadpan Too Cool face that they all have. I can't draw ppl without personalities. XD XD


I was so tired the other morning in class that I couldn't stop drawing bags under eyes. But somehow his face grew into this weird sleazy smile... enjoy your free cartoon cigarette, mr. Featherweight Champ!

Damien Rice - Delicate

Jul 21, 2010

Back from the Snow

And it was FUNNNnnn now back to work...

HFFFffff weird, ambiguous things are happening!

This page was released as a preview, so I guess I can share it here too.

I wish it didn't take me embarrassingly long to tone/text arrange.

But it does.

I guess it's taught me a good work ethic?

Sleeping At Last - Porcelain

Jul 17, 2010

Coin Game

That's not where the coin is!
Heh heh heh heh heh. Wait does that count as thin lines..? Trying to reclaim my Visual Diary & get through the MOUNTAIN of scavenged stuff before uni restarts...

PSYCHED about ski holiday & Splendour.

Not so about the state of my bank account :/

Wins & Losses

Win: Got me a 3-day study week at uni! 4 units in 3 days, more intense but more time to manage on my own to get study etc done. I find I work better when classes don't get in my way, especially studio sessions where you sit for a few hours just waiting for a chat with your lecturer. More days for work, too, and more for leisure (Cheaparse Tuesdays at Mt. Buller ski resort come to mind).

Loss: UUUNNGGHHH. THIS feeling, possibly due to PMS, when what propelled me through weeks of sporadic long-haul, serious scores of hours of effort has dried up. Amidst finding myself in a blue-moon scenario of disparate powers converging into making my life suddenly and very intricately busy, I see that the kind of exertion that was necessary to progress thus far is going to be impossible to achieve with everything else on my plate in the next 2-3 weeks, and this is going to be detrimental to an ungaugeable degree to the success of the project. And going out means money gone, just when student support payments had finally figured themselves out.

SIGH. I want to do well, and be on time and up to standard and all those other good things that propel us to ungodly hours and prolonged caffeine habits. I don't like things that weren't there when work wasn't urgent, that suddenly are there when work pace needs to continue, and when those things are chockablock for the foreseeable future.

I always have a fear, when I spend hours upon hours retoning and retoning same corners of page, that just one option untried would keep the page from looking its best, would be the one thing to bring it down. That because things need to happen fast, standard is secondary to speed, and that I'm the only thing standing in the way of slipshod work going under the radar.

You know when your Winamp (or other media player) is strangely prophetic, in the dead of night, with its random song choices?

The Panics - Don't Fight It
Advice much? :/

Jul 16, 2010

Some strangeness before shower & bed

Laughing through my nose goes here. I'm such an alien... I want to go away but IDK if Canada is far enough.

Jul 15, 2010


I'm in a bit of a box. This is something I'm usually comfortable with.

But every now and then, I'll feel the irrepressible urge to exit this box, go outside it, see beyond it and be and do ALL that I am capable of doing. To be limitless, to be truly free, and express as honestly as humanly possible!

But each time I drag myself kicking and screaming out of it, after a novelty or two, I'll find myself crawling back into the comfort zone tail squarely between legs. Yes newness is all good but I have oldness to be getting on with... there's things people expect of me, have grown accustomed to seeing from me, and I don't want to disappoint them. I don't want to lose the warmth of their appreciation and sit there, all alone; just me, a pen and the endless abyss. I want eyes, you know, anyone that creates anything does. You do it because you can't help it, because you need to; but also because you want to be understood when every other medium of communication fails you. And because you want to be loved for what you do, of course.

And so before I know it, I'm once again locked in to these old ways. On the good days I am warm in the knowledge that I know exactly what I am doing, I bask in the adoration of people to whose faces I can bring a smile or a tear, I am confident that I know that little bit more, that my taste is that little bit more refined, and can undercut my rivals. But on the bad days I can hardly recognise myself for all the rules holding me in place. I can see myself pandering to something that I know is half unreal, a construct of the logic of my twisted preemption of what the world seems to want out of me. Yet I pander away, until all confidence and will to do anything at ALL leaves me paralysed.

Well, that's alright, we all have bad days, right?

But the problem is, egoist that I am, I KNOW I can do more, and do it better. I know in theory I should be capable of a lot of different things, and the only thing REALLY holding me back is the time and effort that I need to give these things. Time and Effort being prioritised towards activities that earn me recognition and love enough to keep trying every day. So while doing what I do, this bitterness permeates me. After hours and hours of work I refuse to own up to my own produce, and though so many wonderful people have given me so much of their love and their time and their respect I take it in my stead and I want constantly more, because I am dissatisfied, because I'm not being all that I COULD be if those rules catering to them weren't holding me back.

And this is unfair, to all those wonderful people, to my work, to my efforts, to the fields in which I wish to excel, to my ambitions most of all. Torn between the known that imprisons me and the unknown in which I fear to abandon myself, between a comfortable niche to the left of trendy and the risks in trusting an inner vision, I find myself divided to cater to each bracket of output. They are mutually exclusive and separate, or I make them that way, because in any one bracket I see every other type of endeavour as irrelevant and unapplicable. I can't draw for a design project; I can't paint the way I draw, I can't write lyrically anywhere within my design briefs, and I can't then bring what I learn behind a shutter to my sketchpad.

And so long as I keep these skills secret from each other and separate as possible, so that within the context of Design I can be JUST a Designer, and within the context of illustration I can be JUST an Illustrator and so forth, I'll always be uncomfortable because no single one of those REALLY encompasses everything. In each one I always feel a little like I'm lying, like this thing can't REALLY say everything I have to say. Like the me that I'm portraying is edited to fit the context of its presentation, at the expense of true honesty. And like I'm losing, and failing myself, by not giving my all because there's only a fraction of me left to give.

Which means, really, that I divide my skill up and stretch myself across different things. Where I really SHOULD be bringing it all together, embracing all of it and with the power of each of these disparate skill sets and aesthetics, should be making something new and wonderful that encompasses EVERYTHING.

If I were able to do this, what I make would be a sum of all parts, and completely honest to me and what I can do. It would be a more honest expression, a more cathartic expression to cover point one. For point two, it would be a truer communication, a conversation that didn't involve this self-conscious habit of mine of pre-editing output to match the perceived audience, of pre-empting as much as possible what could be implied about ME out of my work. I have enough confidence in each of my developed strengths, but to bring together to really speak... just how far could that take me?

And for the last point, well, audiences come and go and to be loved for a truly HONEST expression would surely fill me with nothing but honest gratefulness. And if there's one shortcut to happiness, it's to feel grateful for and amazed by everything around you.


Jul 4, 2010

And no you can't have my number, coz i lost my phone

Two different texture renders. 
PHEW. Well there were a few things that I struggled with with this... actually, IDK, I feel like pictures aren't taking me nearly as long now (must be all my slave work toning, which I've selfishly done with the same splodgy style as I do everything else). Which is good! I make snappier choices faster & have a faster turnaround.

I decided to make that picture above mostly Green & Brown. That's the colour scheme of our family house (plus white) and I thought it'd be a nice change. I don't ever use green much, really... had about 3 pics in a row that were all blue-yellow? HYEAH.

Anyway I finished them in two ways, one with a halftone filter applied to a flattened version of the whole image, at 70% transparency or so, the other with the usual paper texture that I've been using lots of lately.
Problem with the paper is it just looks good multiplied, you don't want to use it any other way... and that means the colours get darker.
Not a problem with most pictures as my colours tend to be pretty light & vibrant (I err on the pastelly side if anything... coz my screen is quite dark.) But this one lost some of the whites that it needed, like around the lightbulb... so I did the halftone thing.

I really like the poster feel of old paper texture, but, idk, halftone filter is so much more vibrant. I was gonna switch the DA edition to paper just a moment ago but stopped myself.


What's been taking up 80% of my time? This. 

Although, now that I know it's all that urgent, I'm open to not spending 5+ hours every day working away at it... work ethic! Don't abandon me now!

Now that the story is written, I keep having these ideas about how to expand/explore the characters and this is also bad. It gets to where you see more there than there actually is, and can't look at something fresh.

 ALSO! Sigur Ros is awesome.

ALSO! Hanna Is Not A Boy's Name is doubly awesome!

Leaving you with a quote from Dylan Moran...

Lady: Oh look at those men. One of them is trying to DOsomething...

Jul 2, 2010


It's one of those days!!

...but it is also CANADA DAY somewhere out there.

Happy Canada Day, eh.

I really, really, really wish to find a way to make people pay me to draw them pictures. Instead of asking me for things, and expecting them. Coz, yaknow, these things don't take up time or anything. '__'

Jul 1, 2010

Ornithological Persuasion


I was going to add some text... but then I didn't.

Rock Plaza Central - SexyBack